International Love
I’m wide awake while he is fast asleep as of the moment. When he’s playing battlefield or meddling with his car on a weekend, I’m asleep. It’s his thanksgiving and I’m sitting through an ethics quiz. During my next holiday (the Bonifacio Day), he’s gonna be working like Bonifacio is nonexistent. We can’t do things together for a long time, possibly forever after we meet on March.
I brought it upon myself, this predicament. Had I decided to date someone local, I wouldn’t have this problem.
Dating a guy from a different part of the world is happy-sad situation. My boyfriend is a very good guy; he is supportive, loyal and most importantly,he loves me so much that despite the fact that we’re 8000+ miles away,I can still feel it. These facts and the fact that I love him too make me happy.
The sad part is that aside from the fact that we’re of different cultures, we can’t do things together. I’m sad that I can’t introduce him to my family and friends. I can’t hold hands with him while walking in the mall. I can’t take him with me to watch a movie that I really want to watch. I can’t surprise him and just drop by whenever. The list of the things I cannot do with him as of the moment goes a long way.
What’s the worst part? There is no worst part. There are only worst parts. I’ll enumerate them below.
1. I always worry that he might have also thought about these things and had a different thought. I’m worried that we’ll breakup. I never felt as strongly about my past relationships as my relationship now.
2. Different languages. He can speak English and German. I speak a couple of languages but German is not among them. It’s not really a big issue. It just becomes a big issue whenever I’m mad and I can’t fully express myself to him. It’s not because I’m not fluent in English. I just think that cursing in Tagalog when you’re mad conveys your anger better than swearing in English.
3. Different cultures. What’s funny for me isn’t necessarily funny for him and vice versa. What he practices is not what I practice and I don’t approve of some things he believes in. So the solution to this is that I just speak my mind out and then afterwards, I kill the issue. In terms of different inside jokes, I try my best to tell them to him and if I can’t,I don’t say anything at all.
4. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT PART. I hate waiting for anyone or anything but considering our situation, I’m left with no choice but to do so.
So what do I do? Do I leave and simply throw this good but difficult thing away? Of course not! I’m doing my best to hold my end of the deal.I love this guy and I think he’s worth the wait and the hardship. If we ever breakup then I guess people would think I wasted my time but in my opinion, I’d rather waste time than lose someone who can potentially be the love of my life. I’d rather take the risk of getting hurt than not giving him a chance. I can live with pain if we breakup; I’d recover from it eventually. I don’t think however, that I’d live with regret. Regret for the chance that I have lost because I didn’t take the risk.
Regret is a bigger monster than pain. Pain will scratch you for a while but it’ll be over with after sometime. Regret on the other hand is like a stalker: it won’t leave you alone. It’s hidden in the shadows and strikes at you when you’re at your most vulnerable moment.
To all those inter-racial couples out there who are having the same situation as I am, I say take a leap of faith.
Regine